The Legend of the Dirty Socks
by Dragon Mistress
Summary: The socks return! I've brought them back from the dead! Anyway.... stinky laundry makes life hard for Weiss!


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Weiss Kreuz. I'm not entirely sure who *does*, but I know it's not me. No money is being made off this. I own JMTV (Japanese Music Television), I invented it!  
  
**Notes:** My first attempt at a Weiss Kreuz fic! When I wrote this, I had not yet seen a single episode of WK. Now I've seen the entire TV series (bought it on DVD), so I get the general idea. However, I preferred to leave any errors in here alone. So sue me. (No, wait, don't!)  
  
**Summary:** It seemed like a stupid yet harmless American horror film... until Aya woke up to discover a mysterious pair of smelly socks on his bedroom floor....  
  
**Written While:** Listening to Metallica's _St. Anger_ album and drinking orange juice.  
  
**Warnings:** Major OOC-ness, but that can be expected since I only have the slightest idea of their personalities. Rated for yaoi-ness. We couldn't be happier.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
**The Legend of the Dirty Socks**  
  
  
Youji Kudou trudged up the stairs to the apartment. Boy, today had sucked. First, he ran out of cigarettes. Then the roses had turned out to be buggy. Then his car got a flat tire. And once he had gotten it fixed, he had been twenty minutes late for the blind date he was supposed to be on. And on top of it all, the girl had been damn ugly and boring in the bargain.  
  
Geez, I didn't even get LAID today! Youji yelled randomly. Whoops. He hoped Aya wasn't sleeping. No, wait, he hoped Aya WAS, because that meant his shouting wasn't going to be paid for later on....  
  
I need a Scotch, Youji mumbled, opening the apartment door and entering.  
  
The very first thing he saw when he got in was Omi, sitting on the computer as usual. Kid spent nearly nine hours a day online. What did he do on there?  
  
Hi, Youji-kun!Omi said in his usual perky way, never taking his eyes off the screen.  
  
Youji mumbled. What are you doing on there? Homework?  
  
Finished that already. I'm playing pool and discussing the plight of the Kligons with Kenji.  
  
Youji shook his head and tossed his keys on the coffee table. *Thunk*.  
  
His keys hit a movie box. Youji leaned over and picked it up.  
  
**The Legend of the Dirty Socks**  
  
The title was in English, but there were Japanese captions to help you out. The front of the box was decorated by a picture of a large pile of socks, covered in blood and what appeared to be grass stains. Youji turned it over and frowned when he saw the back of the box was in English.  
  
Ne, chibi. This yours? Youji asked, holding the box up.  
  
Omi barely glanced at it. No. That's Ken-kun's. He brought it home after soccer practice.  
  
Oh. Uh, when did Ken start liking American horror movies?  
  
I don't know. I don't think he does. I think he just brought it home so we'd have something to watch tonight.  
  
(Better than suffering through Marilyn Manson's concert on JMTV.)  
  
sighed Youji. We got Scotch?  
  
It's not good for you, you know.  
  
Do we have any?  
  
You'll get liver cancer. If your cigarettes don't kill you first. Look in the cupboard over the stove.  
  
Youji gratefully opened the cupboard and pulled down his half-empty bottle of Scotch. He poured himself a glass and didn't bother with water or ice. Ahh, that hits the spot.  
  
At that moment, Aya wandered in, rubbing sleepy-byes from his eyes. Oh. You're home. How was the date?  
  
Youji said briefly.  
  
Aya raised an eyebrow.  
  
Not THAT kind of sucked, Youji said hastily. She was ugly. And boring.  
  
S.N.O.B.B. - Selfish Nitwit Overcome By Beauty, Omi muttered from his pool game.  
  
Youji ignored this and waved the tape box at Aya. You know anything about this?  
  
Aya took the box from him. Hn. Damn, this looks tacky. Where'd it come from, Omi?  
  
Ken-kun brought it home, Omi said.  
  
Ugh. He expects us to watch this?  
  
said Youji, snuggling up with his Scotch on the couch and lighting a cigarette.  
  
Hell, no.  
  
Hell, yes.  
  
Aya grumbled and tossed the tape back onto the coffee table. Where's that Scotch?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Twenty minutes later, Ken walked into the apartment, carrying brown paper take-out bags. Oh, good! Youji, you're home! All right, now we can watch the movie!  
  
Er - the one about the socks? Aya asked warily.  
  
Oh. You saw it sitting there.  
  
When did you develop a fetish for B-horror movies? Youji teased. Especially American ones from the 60's?  
  
Ken blushed as he began serving up the take-out. N-never! I just thought we - c-could watch it, is all.  
  
There better be hot chicks, Youji warned him, stabbing an egg roll with his hashi.   
  
I take it the date didn't go well.  
  
Bloody hell! Just announce it in the papers, why don't you?  
  
Sor - ry, Ken said, rolling his eyes and putting the tape in the VCR.  
  
Well, the movie was in English, but it had Japanese subtitles. That didn't help a thing, really. The movie was torn between being annoyingly hysterical and mildly frightening. Just about the most frightening thing about it was the hero, who was disgustingly hairy and kept walking around in his boxer shorts. There was a lot of singing, too. There's nothing worse than listening to people wail in some language you don't know.  
  
Basically, the whole movie was about smelly gym socks that came to life thanks to a mad scientist. The hairy, boxers-clad hero and his scrawny beanpole of a girlfriend spent a lot of the movie making out and being stalked by the socks. When they weren't singing, that was.  
  
Finally, the hero found the smelly socks down in the basement, in a coffin, and he pounded a wooden stake through them.   
  
**THE END**, the movie proclaimed, as the hero emerged from the basement, suddenly bloody for no reason.  
  
WHAT THE HELL?! Youji yelled. What the F**K KIND OF ENDING WAS THAT?!  
  
Aya yelled, aiming a karate kick at the VCR, kicking the eject button. The tape flew out of the VCR and into the wastebasket, which Omi was holding up expressly for that purpose.   
  
Who ever heard of socks being killed by a wooden stake? Omi asked, burying the tape under several feet of burned, unpopped popcorn kernels from the bottom of the bag.  
  
Who ever heard of them coming to life? a disgruntled Youji asked the blue-eyed cutie.  
  
Ken sighed. Gomen ne, guys. I didn't know it was such a horrible movie. If I had.........  
  
Yeah, they didn't know the _Titanic_ wasn't meant for icebergs, either, Omi said, resuming his seat in front of the computer.  
  
I got up for *that*? Aya growled, before retreating to his room to either sleep or polish his katana.  
  
Okay! Next time I'll bring home an anime flick with lots of half-naked girls! Ken scowled.  
  
Sailor Moon R is good for that, Omi said. And Super S, too.  
  
Youji and Ken stared.   
  
Damn, chibi. I didn't know you had a passion for anime chicks, Youji said.  
  
Er - I wasn't *looking*! Omi protested. It was just a little hard *not* to notice!  
  
Youji teased. I'm going to bed.  
  
Me, too, said Ken, shooting a glance at Omi. You *do* have school tomorrow.  
  
Yes, Mother, Omi said, rolling his eyes.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
In the middle of the night, a truly horrible smell reached Aya's nose.  
  
The redhead sat up, blinking in confusion, looking around his room for the source of the smell. He heard an odd rustling noise.  
  
  
  
No answer. Just the yucky smell.  
  
Ken? Omi?  
  
Aya fumbled around for a moment and finally flicked the lamp beside his bed on. He looked around again and frowned severely.  
  
A pair of old, smelly socks were lying in the middle of his floor.   
  
Okay, whose lame idea of a joke is this? Aya scowled, drawing his katana out from under his pillow. He was prepared to beat the sadistic bastard doing this black-and-blue with the sheath, even if it was Omi. Maybe. Omi could do a number on even Aya with his puppy-dog eyes.  
  
Still no answer. Just the smell.  
  
Okay. This is seriously freaky. Aya stated, looking around.   
  
Ran Fujimiya...... a ghostly voice whispered.  
  
Aya jumped. Who's there?  
  
Down here! said the ghostly voice, and Aya looked at his floor.  
  
THE SOCKS MOVED!  
  
Aya's brain fizzled. Socks moving? This..... wasn't... right......  
  
he shrieked, jumping out of bed, completely naked and brandishing his katana. (No, not *THAT* katana!) All the random fangirls fell down and shrieked in joy.  
  
he shouted for the third time in this fic, leaping at the socks. A part of his mind was trying to tell him that this whole situation was insane and he should wake up now. But he ignored it and tried to stab the socks.  
  
The socks tried to slither up the blade of his katana and wrest it away from him!  
  
Aya's eyes widened. At that point, he looked more like Kenshin Himura than ever.   
  
he screamed, shaking the socks off his katana and running for his life.  
  
He ran straight into Youji's room. Youji was sprawled on his back, snoring. Aya shrieked and jumped into his bed. All the random fangirls screamed in ecstasy at the sight.  
  
YOUJI! YOUJI! WAKE UP! ONEGAI! YOUJI!  
  
Youji grumbled, mumbled, snorted, and finally opened an eye. Bluh. Gub. Aya?  
  
The socks! The socks! For the love of God, the socks! Aya wailed, climbing into his lap and clinging to him.  
  
Woo, hey there! Youji yelped, finally waking up fully and realizing a naked Aya was in his lap. Socks? Oro?! What are you talking about?  
  
yelled Kenshin. ORO IS MY WORD! It's my .... THING... that I say!  
  
Youji rolled his eyes. Socks? That's it. Aya, no more Scotch for you.  
  
I'm telling the truth!  
  
murmured Youji, who was falling asleep again. Bad dream, I'm telling you. But if it makes you feel better... sleep in here tonight. Even if it doesn't.... sleep in here tonight.  
  
said Aya gratefully, and snuggled up to Youji.   
  
Can't talk. Sleeping.  
  
Silence. Then -  
  
Um, Youji? What's that against my leg?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ken sat up, grumbled, and slid out of bed, tiptoeing so as not to wake Omi.  
  
Damn bladder, he mumbled to himself. Why couldn't it wait for a little while longer?  
  
He trudged down the hallway and into the bathroom. As he was - ah - taking care of business, he noticed a really funky smell. He wrinkled his nose.  
  
What the hell is that?  
  
He washed his hands and opened the hamper. The smell became even stronger when he did. Ugh! He pinched his nose.   
  
Since they had done laundry just that day, there was nothing in the hamper except for a pair of Youji's silk boxer briefs and..... a pair of dirty socks.  
  
Ken frowned. He had done the white wash himself and had been positive he had gotten every last sock. Unless Aya or somebody had found stray socks under their bed....  
  
The socks stirred and crawled up the side of the hamper. But first, they ate Youji's underwear!  
  
Ken's eyes grew so big they were in danger of falling out of his head. He backed up, squeaked in fright, and went running back into his room. He dived into bed, landing on Omi and waking him up.  
  
Omi woke with a start. he asked sleepily, blinking up at his lover.  
  
He was adorable with his hair sticking up every which way and the blanket pulled up to his chin, but Ken ignored the bite of lust that accompanied this sight.  
  
Omi-kun, get up! he said. Socks! The socks are attacking! They ate Youji's underwear!  
  
Omi sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Huh? Socks ate Youji's underwear? Ken-kun, are you sure it wasn't a dream?  
  
Yes, I'm sure! Ken said. Omi-kun, it was the socks! The evil socks from the movie!  
  
Omi patted his arm gently. There, there, now. Where are they? Show me.  
  
Ken led Omi to the bathroom and pointed at the hamper with a trembling finger. Look inside!  
  
Omi opened the hamper and peered curiously inside. There was nothing there to be seen except a scrap of black silk. Frowning, Omi picked it up. Er - is this what I think it is?  
  
Hai. The remains of Youji's favourite pair of boxer briefs!  
  
What happened to the rest of them? Omi asked.  
  
The socks got them!  
  
Omi started, but before he could say any more, something grabbed him around the ankles. He shrieked and looked down. A filthy pair of sweat socks had grabbed him by the ankles!  
  
Ken yelled, grabbing Omi's arm and pulling him. Omi managed to shake the socks off his ankles and allowed Ken to drag him to Aya's room.  
  
Ken wailed, yanking open the door. But the room was empty!  
  
Where could he be? Omi asked, clutching at Ken's arm.  
  
Never mind that - let's get Youji instead - Ken said wildly, pulling Omi into Youji's room.  
  
Well, the first thing they saw was Youji and Aya sleeping in Youji's bed, naked and in each other's arms. They looked pretty damn comfortable.  
  
Ken and Omi exchanged wide-eyed looks, blushing.  
  
Did you know they were -? Ken asked.  
  
No, did you? Omi replied.  
  
Does it matter? Ken asked weakly. The socks!  
  
Oh right! The socks! Omi remembered, and the two brunettes jumped into bed with the blond and the redhead.  
  
Youji yelled, sitting up, ticked at having his sleep disrupted yet again.  
  
Aya-kun! The socks! Omi and Ken yelled in unison.  
  
shrieked Aya, clutching at Youji in panic. I told you, I told you! The socks are after us!  
  
Youji stared at the three of them. This has *got* to be a group hallucination, he said. Guys, socks don't come to life.  
  
But these ones did! wailed Omi.  
  
With a sigh, Youji got out of bed. All right, all right. Show me your damned evil socks. Then I'll prove to you all you're just dreaming, and I can get back to bed.  
  
Speaking of which, why is Aya in here with you?  
  
Aya and Youji blushed. Youji coughed. Where are the socks?  
  
Omi and Ken said.   
  
Youji headed down the hall. Omi, Ken, and Aya clutched at each other in panic and followed from a distance.   
  
Youji opened the bathroom door. I'm not seeing any - HOLY SHIT!  
  
He jumped backwards as the socks came slithering out of the bathroom and tried to crawl up his leg.  
he yelled, and they ran back to Youji's room and barricaded the door.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
~Three Hours Later~  
  
Umm.... it's 3 AM, Ken said from the crowded bed.  
  
Yeah.... so? Youji mumbled, pulling the pillow off his head.  
  
We open at seven.  
  
Argh, shut up.   
  
Ken has a point, Aya mumbled. We've got to get up and try to get rid of these socks. We need at least *some* sleep before we go to work and/or school.  
  
I don't WANT to go, Omi wailed.  
  
You have, like, five months left, just finish, Aya snapped irritably, then moaned. He got out of bed and put Youji's robe on. Okay. Let's go.  
  
Go where? School? asked Ken, whose brain was fizzled by lack of sleep.  
  
No. We have to find the socks and kill them.  
  
How do you propose we do THAT? Youji asked, also getting out of bed. He began to rummage through his drawers and found a pair of pj pants (hot pink with yellow duckies on them). He put them on.  
  
Ken stared. You actually own pj pants?  
  
No. One of the girls left them behind.  
  
How thoughtful of you to remember her by keeping them, muttered Omi.   
  
Oh boy, _do_ I remember! She screamed so loud when she -  
  
SHUT. UP. Aya said loudly, cutting him off. We do not wish to hear about your sexual conquests, especially at this minute. Right now, we're going to have to do something *very* stupid.  
  
And that would be?  
  
Finding the socks and staking them, Aya said firmly. Just like in the movie.  
  
Ummmm...... okay, said Youji, who was _still_ convinced it was a group hallucination.   
  
Let's go.   
  
Katana drawn, Aya led the way out of the room, his eyes darting all around, looking for any sign of the socks.  
  
Um... Aya-kun.... what are we going to use as a stake? Omi whispered.  
  
Oh. Hn. I hadn't thought of that yet.  
  
You - JERK, Youji muttered.  
  
Shut up. Any ideas, Mr. Irresistible To Women?  
  
No need to be sarcastic. Hey! If we had a baseball bat and a REALLY BIG pencil sharpener....!  
  
Okay, shut up, Aya sighed.  
  
If we could get to the computer, I could probably order some stakes from Buffy, The Vampire Slayer' on Ebay! Omi whispered.  
  
We don't have that much time, Ken said, checking his watch. It's already three-thirty.  
  
We have a katana, let's just use that, Youji suggested.  
  
Sure. Then after we stake the socks we'll string them up with your wires, Ken said sarcastically.  
  
Sounds good to me!  
  
Sorry, Youji, but I can't take you seriously when you're wearing a girl's pj pants!  
  
Aya and Omi hissed.  
  
They shhhhh'ed.   
  
Okay. If we can get to the kitchen, I think we can get a hold of those sticks we sharpened to roast marshmallows. said Aya thoughtfully.  
  
Are you sure those'll work? Omi asked.  
  
Geez, I sure hope so.  
  
And if it doesn't?  
  
Hopefully Momoe will be able to identify our bodies.  
  
Thanks for the uplifting pep talk, Ken muttered, strapping on his bugnuk.  
  
Where did you get those? Omi asked him.  
  
Dunno. Pulled em out of midair.  
  
Three minutes later, Youji and Omi had retrieved their weapons, and the members of Weiss were ready to go.  
  
They tiptoed down the hallway, stepping cautiously over the board they knew creaked, keeping their eyes on every shadow and movement. They needed every amount of stealth they possessed.  
  
Finally, they reached the kitchen. But not finding the socks was making them uneasy.  
  
Aya opened the cupboard under the sink and fished out the marshmallow sticks'. They were more like tomato stakes.  
  
he said, handing them around, We don't know what these socks are going to do. First, we can't risk turning any lights on. They might be like roaches and flee from the light. So, we'll have to search in the dark. Let's split up.  
  
the other three said instantly.  
  
All right, all right. Come with me, then, you babies.  
  
They began crawling over the living room floor, peering under furniture with a teeny flashlight Ken had on his keychain. No sign of the socks. So they moved into the kitchen.  
  
~An hour later~  
  
No sign of the socks anywhere in the apartment. They had finally risked turning on the lights.  
  
It's almost five, Omi said, glancing at the clock. If we want to get to school/work/whatever on time, we have to find those evil socks right now!  
  
Ken was sitting on the couch, rubbing his forehead.  
  
I think I've got it, he said.   
  
Got what? Aya asked.  
  
I know where the socks are! Ken said, jumping up. The basement!  
  
The basement? Youji asked. How do you know that?  
  
Well, that's where the socks were in the movie, Ken pointed out.  
  
Oh. True!  
  
Come on, let's go, said Aya, and they tiptoed downstairs. Halfway there, Aya paused.  
  
Hang on, he said. We don't HAVE a basement.  
  
But we DO have a first floor. Come on, said Ken, and they proceeded downstairs to the first floor.  
  
Amidst the flower showcases and their work tables, a huge coffin stood!  
  
Now, I KNOW that wasn't there when we closed up, Youji said.  
  
Everyone, on your guard. Stakes at the ready! Ken whispered.  
  
They tiptoed over to the coffin and raised the lid. Inside were the socks!  
  
Ne, Kenken. You were right, Youji said, wide-eyed.  
  
See why you should always listen to me? Ken asked grimly.  
  
Well, what do we use to pound the stakes in? Omi asked.  
  
Harry Potter pointed his wand at the counter. _Accio hammer_!  
  
Uh, thanks, said Omi as the hammer flew into his hand and Harry disappeared. He held it out to Ken. Ken-kun... would you do the honors?  
  
Why me? grumped Ken, taking the stake from Omi.  
  
You were the one who brought home that horrible movie, that's why! said Youji.   
  
Ken grumbled, then raised the stake. But before he could bring it down, the socks began to speak!  
  
KEN HIDAKA, the socks said. YOU CANNOT KILL US.  
  
said Ken.  
  
HOWEVER, YOU CAN SEAL US AWAY BY TAKING OUR TAPE OUT OF THE TRASH AND RETURNING IT TO BLOCKBUSTER.  
  
all four men asked in unison. Question marks popped up all around them.  
  
boomed the socks, and a huge arrow appeared.  
  
**Arrow: FLASHBACK**  
  
**THE END**, the movie proclaimed, as the hero emerged from the basement, suddenly bloody for no reason.  
  
WHAT THE HELL?! Youji yelled. What the F**K KIND OF ENDING WAS THAT?!  
  
Aya yelled, aiming a karate kick at the VCR, kicking the eject button. The tape flew out of the VCR and into the wastebasket, which Omi was holding up expressly for that purpose.   
  
Who ever heard of socks being killed by a wooden stake? Omi asked, burying the tape under several feet of burned, unpopped popcorn kernels from the bottom of the bag.  
  
**Arrow: END FLASHBACK**  
  
all the bright' members of Weiss echoed.  
  
All right then, give me a minute, said Ken.   
  
He ran upstairs, dug the tape out from under the popcorn, cleaned it up a bit, and stuck it in its box. Hastily, he pulled on a shirt and grabbed his keys.  
  
I'll be right back! he yelled, running past Aya, Youji, and Omi, out to the parking lot where his motorcycle awaited. He drove as fast as he could to the all-night Blockbuster down the street and ran inside. The girl at the counter stared as he ran in, recognized him, and squealed.  
  
Ken Hidaka!  
  
Glad you know me! I need to return this! yelled Ken.  
  
Oh. Okay. The girl looked up his info and finally got the computer to mark the tape as returned. She looked curiously at it. The Legend of the Dirty Socks?  
  
Don't ask! Ken said, before running back outside.  
  
He got back to the shop in record time; amazingly, he didn't get pulled over. Somehow he didn't know how he'd explain to the police why he was riding his motorcycle in his underwear at five AM.  
  
As soon as he stepped through the door, the socks spoke once more. WELL DONE, KEN. NOW WE WILL LEAVE YOU IN PEACE!   
  
With a Poof!, the socks and the coffin vanished.  
  
said Youji. Hey! Look! We can still sleep, for, like, 20 minutes!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Not a lot of people came to Kitty-In-The-House that day. Only two or three people showed up, adults planning funerals. The high school girls stayed away, because the four normally beautiful young men were all asleep at random spots in the shop, and they did not look beautiful today at all. Even asleep, they looked as if they had been up all night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Youji came home one night a week later. He said hello to Omi, who was now playing an RPG online and STILL discussing the plight of the Klingons with his friend Kenji. He tossed his keys on the table. *Thunk*. His keys hit a movie box.  
  
**The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes**  
  
Youji's eyes widened in fear, and he scooped up his keys once more. TELL KEN I'M RETURNING HIS VIDEO! he yelled, running out the door.  
  
If I don't get rid of this now, he thought as he jumped into his car, I'll never be able to eat a tomato-and-vodka sandwich ever again!  
  
  
The End!  
  
  
(A/N: Don't ask me what I was on when I wrote this, because I wasn't on anything. It was orange juice, I tell you! Orange juice! Ahem. A few words:  
**1.** I don't own the Flashback Arrow. I borrowed that from Episode 4 of Cardcaptor Sakura.  
**2.** I don't own Attack of the Killer Tomatoes'. But I recommend renting it.  
**3.** You guessed it! I don't own Harry Potter.   
  
  



End file.
